Avoiding The Trap of Comparison and Envy

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 27:4 (NIV)

I don’t know why I even go to these women’s events anyway.

I wipe my hands on my jeans, check my hair in the mirror of the minivan parked in front of me and take a final gulp of fresh air before walking into the sanctuary. Avoiding eye contact as I pass moms huddled in little groups sharing their latest news, make a beeline for the bathroom, pretending it is for normal reasons. From the safety of the stall, I pull out my phone and text my friend.

“Kari, r u here? In the bathroom checking makeup.”

Chewing the extra skin around my thumbnail, I hold my breath watching for the three waving dots to appear, assuring me she is out there waiting for me.

Hiding in the bathroom is a chicken move, I know. But I can’t stand the thought of trying to make small talk with all the hipster moms. What could I possibly add? That I changed my shirt four times trying to look like I wasn’t on a tight budget? Maybe they would be interested in my Pinterest Board for how to shop at Aldi’s? No, I have nothing of value to add to the conversation.

“Kari, text me back!”

I decide to lift the evening to God in prayer because; I knew my heart can be at peace if I stop worrying about what others think of me. I have been so excited to hear this Bible Study teacher tonight and soak up her words of encouragement. Having just finished her latest study in my “Mom’s with Multiples” Small Group, I was ready to hear her no-nonsense take on Women in Biblical Leadership.

God, I know this isn’t about being pretty enough, having enough money for designer purses, or being lucky enough to get the most trendy hairdresser in town. I feel so inadequate around these moms. I know, it sounds like envy and that puts my heart in the pit with shame and self-loathing. Lord, forgive me for comparing my life to anybody else’s. Today I am here to meet you and shine in your light. I ask you to bless our speaker tonight and that the Holy Spirit would fill each of our hearts with a message of hope.

Just as I murmur “amen,” my phone buzzes.

“Presley, I saved you a seat up front with me….hurry up, the band is just going on stage!”

Can you relate to Presley’s predicament? I know I can!

It is so easy to start comparing ourselves to others. I know some people say Social Media has made the issue worse, and that may be true, but this problem has existed for centuries.

The comparison trap is about conformity.

It is about a felt, although false, need to fit in.

It is about believing the lie that we’re never going to be good enough.

It is as futile as chasing the wind.

“And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too, is meaningless, as chasing the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:4 (NIV)

When we spend enormous amounts of time changing, not only our shirts but our authentic selves, we are chasing the wind. There is no reason for it. God made you different and unique on purpose. You are made to be YOU!

Comparison is also about competition.

When we compare, we want to be the best or have the best. We want to have a killer hairstyle that is better than the woman standing next to us. The trendy outfit we cannot afford becomes a need we don’t deny. The number of Facebook likes we get on our post carries a weight that is unnecessary.

We find ourselves seeking validation by being better than others. We are discounting how God made us in order to be a cheap knock off of the real thing. Trading comparison for authenticity.

You desire, but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you might spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:2-3 (NIV)

So, how do we get out of the comparison trap? What sets us free?

How do we cultivate an attitude of self-acceptance, belonging, and authenticity?

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you.

Psalm 143:8-9 (NIV)

The Psalmist gives us 4 ways to be free from the comparison trap:

Lean into His LOVE.

TRUST in Him.

Allow Him to RESCUE you.

HIDE in Him.

In which comparison traps have you found yourself? Is there a particular area you seek freedom from today?

Let’s finish with this prayer based on Psalm 143:8-9

Heavenly Father, I stand in the morning sunshine letting your unfailing love wash over me. I trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for I entrust my life to you. Thank you for rescuing me from the enemy that has set such snares as the comparison trap. Lord, I hide in you. In Jesus’ name. Amen

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