Overcoming the Pit of Rejection

When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him… “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.”… and they took him and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in it. Genesis 37:4,20,24

This weekend I went to the movie “Overcomer”, it is an inspirational story of identity and redemption. If you haven’t seen the trailers, the film stars a teenage, asthmatic girl who wants to run cross country, a coach that has lost his team and is building a new team and a father that is dying and hoping for reconciling with his family. But first, they must overcome the lies and labels that have kept them from seeing who they are in Christ.

Sometimes the labels the world sticks on us can cause us to feel rejected for who we think we are and cause us to believe in a false identity. I can relate to Hannah because I have also felt rejected by my own thoughts and others’ opinions.

My Story

Today, I wanted to share a piece of my overcomer story. It is a story of rejection, abandonment, and deep, deep pain. It is also a story of redemption and forgiveness.  

We were the best of friends; she used to tell me I had underwear drawer rights to her life. Meaning nothing was held back from our friendship. No secrets were too ugly to share, and no problem was too embarrassing to talk about.

But life got a bit messy and, for reasons I still do not understand, she had to pull away from the friendship and retreat into her family life. I loved my friend, and I enjoyed our friendship. But the inner workings of the relationship were not something that could withstand the framework of her family life. So, we sadly parted ways.

Even though I knew she needed to do what was best for her marriage and her family, I felt abandoned and rejected. I needed to overcome these feelings to move forward.

The Story of Joseph

The Bible story of Joseph from the book of Genesis is an overcomers story, one of extravagant redemption and forgiveness.

As the son of Rachel, Jacob’s true love, Joseph was favored by his father. (Read more about the story of Rachel and Leah HERE).  Joseph was given the famous robe of many colors by his father, and this set him apart from his brothers in a very visual way.

Joseph later reported having dreams about his brothers, and even the stars and moon, bowing before him. This certainly added more resentment to his brothers’ increasing jealousy. 

The brothers plotted to kill Joseph. However, Reuben, one of the brothers, talked them into tossing him into a pit and leaving him (Reuben intended to come back and save him). About this time, a traveling caravan of Ishmaelites came along, and the brothers sold Joseph into slavery instead.

Joseph had to overcome the pit of rejection. Rejected by his own family and sold into slavery, he could have focused on the circumstances and drowned in his feelings of rejection and abandonment. However, he chooses to acknowledge the presence of the Lord, right there in the pit with him, and focus on his identity in Christ versus focusing on hating his rejectors. Joseph chooses to be an overcomer instead of a victim.

The Lord was with Joseph (and me).

When you find yourself in the pits of life, you may be tempted to turn your back on God. You may blame God for allowing this to happen and wonder how a God who claims to be love could allow such suffering. Perhaps you even feel abandoned and rejected by God. I know that as I sat in a pit of pity and tears over the loss of friendship, my first response was never to trust anyone again, not even God. But God was with me and helped me to overcome my feelings and eventually forgive and heal.

The LORD was with Joseph so that he prospered…. Genesis 39:2a (NIV)

Even as he sat in the pit and was sold into slavery, the Bible tells us that the Lord was with Joseph.

Overcoming my rejection.

Many years have gone by since I lost a close friendship with my beautiful friend. But God was with me as I grieved a genuine loss. I was eventually able to forgive my friend and to learn to celebrate our past friendship, with fond memories. I was able, through the grace of God, to remember and apply many lessons learned during our friendship. I can even say today that I am a better person because of her and the time I spent with her.

Overcoming rejection and abandonment is hard. It would be easy to build up walls and never let anyone else get close to you again. It would be easy to sit in shame and wallow in self-pity. Trust me; this is only one of my stories of abandonment and rejection. But I learned so much from overcoming my feelings and I became a stronger Christian because the Lord was with me.

Three things to help us overcome a pit of rejection.

1. Invite God into the pain. He is already with you, but He is a gentleman and will not barge in. Invite Him into your pain and let Him sit with you as He heals your heart.
2. Don’t play the victim. – After a rejection, it can be tempting to indulge excessively in our bad moods, which can lead to a victimized mindset. It is time to be mature and grow up. I am not trying to be harsh, but sometimes we just need someone to tell us to put on our big girl panties and get over it.
3. Refocus your attention. –Take your eyes off your rejector and look at the God who will never reject you. When you do this, you can start to see how God is going to use your pain to grow and mature you into a stronger, better person. If we fast forward to the end of Joseph’s story, we discover one of my favorite verses in the Bible.

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

Final thoughts on being rejected.

If you are ever in a lot of pain or feel overwhelmed by emotion, seeking help is always a strong and wise idea. I have utilized some wise and sage counsel from certified therapists on several occasions and will do so again as needed.

If you have felt the pain of rejection or if you have felt abandoned by people in your life, you are not alone. Many of us have been in this same pit before. I know some of you are holding God at arm’s length because you have been deeply wounded. The Lord wants you to know, right now, no matter what shape you are in, you are wanted and loved. You are chosen, predestined for adoption into the family of God, and included in the inheritance of your heavenly Father.

Can I pray for you?

Heavenly Father, the pain from rejection hurts at such a deep, deep level. Help us to be able to come to you and let you into our hearts. Holy Spirit make a way for us to walk in forgiveness of those that have wounded our hearts. Show us the purpose in our pain and bring us to the place where we too can say, “Satan meant it as evil, but God meant it for good.” Thank you, Lord for your Words of encouragement, we love you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.